Goodbye My Lover Pt2

The drive home felt like it took seconds, I didn’t want it to end, I didn’t want to get home. I couldn’t even look at him. The tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks, I tried to inhale as much as I could from his smell.

He slowed down when he got close to my house, I held his hand harder, I couldn’t imagine letting go of it, not knowing whether we’ll ever be together again. I didn’t even know what to tell him when I left, should I just say bye? It was nice being your girlfriend, call me when you need anything. I was so confused, I couldn’t even think straight.

I put my head back on the headrest, closed my eyes and put our intertwined hands on my heart. I felt the car come to a stop, but I wasn’t ready to open my eyes just yet, I didn’t even think my legs could carry me all the way up to my room.

We both turned and looked at each other, I saw the tears in his eyes and I knew he was holding them back. In our two years this is the third time I saw him tear up, and every single time it happened it broke my heart, because I knew it was my fault.

“I … I …don’t, I think ...baby ..” I was stammering, I had no idea what I was going to say, I could barely speak, I was trying to hold my sobs back, it was getting harder with every second that passed. He wasn’t saying anything, typical of him, he usually keeps everything in, but this was the end how could he stay quiet I needed to hear his voice.

“Say something” I told him

“I love you” he said

I couldn’t handle it any more, he saw me moving towards him and he didn’t stop me. When our lips touched it felt like we were meant to be together, how could his father not understand. We kissed with a passion I had never felt before. His hands were caressing my face, his lips moved from my lips to my crying eyes.

There was nothing more to say. I kissed his head, and smiled and got out of the car. I walked into the house not looking back, but knowing he was still there.

Thank God no one was home. I don’t think I could fake smile and tell my mother about my day, or argue with my brother. I paced around my room for a while not knowing who to call, usually he was the one I called when I was going through a rough time.

I knew what I needed, I just couldn’t believe the craving I had for it, it’s been two years since I had a smoke, and right now I was itching for one, for anything to get him off my mind. I went into my brother’s room and found an open pack and took a cigarette out. I was contemplating whether to smoke it in his room or in my own room when my phone beeped. It was a message from him, “Remember your promises to me, don’t break them just because we’re not together”.