Goodbye My Lover Pt1.

“We need to meet up” Talal said. His voice was full of stress, like he was holding something back. I wanted to know what was going on, I had a vague idea but I didn’t want it to come true.

“I’m not in the mood of seeing people, I’ll be ready in 10 minutes, come pick me up lets just cruise.” I told him.

10 minutes later I get txt message “I’m outside baby”

I grab my bag, the CD I made him and run out of the door into his car. I quickly give him a kiss on the check and put the CD in and grab his hand. I love being with him, as soon as I am around him a sense of security and safety surrounds me. I know it sounds really gay but it’s true, I have never felt so in love before.

We drove around aimlessly for half an hour, neither of us talking, just listening to James Morrison over and over again. I looked over at him and my heart jumped a little, it has been two years and every time I looked at him I still got the butterflies in my stomach. “I love him, I love him, I love him” I kept thinking, and I pulled up his hand and gave each finger a kiss.

He turned to look at me, “baby …” I saw the pain in his eyes and I didn’t want to hear what he was about to say. I looked away from him but he held my chin and turned my face towards him. “7ayati….” I heard his voice falter, I willed him to stopped talking, I closed my eyes not wanting to look into the pain of his eyes, “I talked to my father, and he said no. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry….”

I felt the air being knocked out of me, I couldn’t breathe, it hurt to breathe. Jagged pieces of glass were embedded in my chest. NO NO NO I DIDN’T HEAR HIM RIGHT, its not over, it can’t be over! I felt the hot tears welling up in my eyes, I willed them not to start falling down my cheeks. I didn’t want to hurt him more than he was hurting.

My heart was beating so hard I thought it would break my ribs and fall right out.

I opened my eyes, one at a time, trying to hold my breath so I wouldn’t cry. I took one long look at him and the tears started to fall. I threw my arms around him, put my head on his shoulder and cried. I cried for the dreams that we had that will never come true. For the children that we will never have, for the days I’ll wake up without him by my side. I cried knowing that no matter what happens in my life, no one in the world can take Talals place, he was my everything.